This is something I wrote back in 2011, long before my kids were born. It still resonates with me now, and hope I held up my end of the bargain. Kids are the coolest things. When they’re not stuffing play-doh into the washing machine filter.

A letter to an unborn child.

You are born in a world where fear rules, but try not to be afraid. Always remember that when things go bad, the sun returns tomorrow and a new day wipes clean the old one, and you can try again. Remember too that some things you only need to get right once. Then you will understand and avoid the same mistakes.

You need a few key things in your life that will make you complete.

You need an education. This will teach you how to think.

You need good friends. They will be with you for life. They are as important as parents are. Probably more. You’ve earnt those people, for better or worse, and you didn’t choose to be born to us. Choose those friends wisely.

You need to believe in something. I have followed Buddhism for years, and I am not you, and I am not your guide here, but this has helped me through the darkest times more than anything else. Don’t ridicule your ancestors, they were smarter than you think, and in ways you don’t know. Maybe one day you will understand this.

You need clear judgement. Look a couple of lines above about education. This is part of that.

You need to be honest. This is lacking in almost every one nowadays. Without honesty, there is no trust, without trust, the fabric that makes us humans is torn. And once torn, it is hard to repair. Please be honest. It will serve you well in the long term. Never forget that. This is probably the most important lesson I can teach you. Use your honesty wisely though. There is a time and a place to be honest, and a time to say nothing. But please – do not lie. Unless you absolutely have to.

Remember that the group is greater than the people. Always try to give a little more than you expect to receive back. This world is obsessed with individuality. They neglect the fact that we need to understand the other person rather than inflicting our views on that other person. Remember that the group is greater than the people. Yes I did just repeat that.

But you need to be yourself. Get the right grounding and support will come the least expected of places. From everywhere. Some people are born to be leaders, some not. But people who are themselves and don’t pretend gain quiet respect from all quarters. Remember than individuality is not the same as being yourself. The former looks inward and says “I am right”, while the latter just takes things on boards and moves forward. Quiet strength can be as strong as naked aggression, it just takes longer to filter through.

You need humility. Where arrogance slams doors closed, humility will quietly open them again. The world has collectively forgotten what it means to level with people eye to eye. Granted, this does not always work, but it is a good starting point in the way you deal with others. A simple, uncomplicated smile can smash through barriers that nothing else can. No matter how much the world wants to virtualise your experience, remember that you cannot ever beat face to face – we are not robots yet you know…

Life doesn’t come with an insurance policy nor a money-back guarantee. You get that on cars and white goods. And an apology from us. But the bottom line is, if you mess up, then its on you. And one other thing – we’re NOT saying don’t mess up. You wont know yourself until you do. Just remember we will love you no matter what happens, and if that’s your insurance policy, then you bank it, for no matter what, we will both love you more than you can imagine. There are no conditions or bounds on this. We will pour our best into you, at any cost to us.

Be strong. More than anything. You have have a half Kiwi, half Japanese heart in you. Both cultures respect strength. But they both respect humility. And they both honour courage.

Your life isn’t about me. But remember, my life is about you. Please remember that when you children of your own, and try to pass that on.

Love,

Dad